Two weeks from today, just 14 days from now, I will be a parent. That is SO WEIRD. I was never one of those girls who dreamed of being a mother her whole life. I didn't nurture and coddle little baby dolls by feeding them, changing them, and putting them to bed. I didn't make lists of what I would name my future children. I was never completely sure I even wanted kids. And then God did a redeeming act in my life a few years back and set my heart on fire for Him. Suddenly the idea of His adoption of me became so real. This truth that the Creator, a King, would choose to be my Daddy instead of lord His power over me. That when I was spiritually an orphan with no one to care for me, left abandoned, abused, and forgotten, He would come to me, He would love me and nurture me and wipe the tears from my eyes. Adopting me into His family, permanently. Completely undeserved. Why would I not want to do the same for another. Whereas I cannot mimic this spiritual act, I can show the world a tangible example of what He has done for me in a physical act.
So motherhood has found me. Most days I feel completely unqualified. Some days I can barely take care of myself, let alone another human being. Just about everything terrifies me from the plane ride, to our communication, to forgetting her someplace, and even bodily fluids! But in some way it terrifies me more to not know this at all. To not be following Him with all I have to give, to not know this kind of experience, this kind of love. They say you have an entirely new view of God's love when you become a parent. Getting possibly as close as you can to understanding the love of the Father. That excites me.
I may never be called the world's greatest mom. Everyone knows I definitely won't be the most feminine, doting, nurturing one. But the LORD has been so gracious to place some extraordinary examples in my path lately and I am learning a lot about a mother's love, adoption, His mercies, and so much more. And I am learning that nobody does it the same. That there is nothing wrong with being that type of parent, but there is nothing wrong with being my kind either. If Zuri's maker wanted her to have a different mom then I'd be bringing home someone different. His sovereignty is what I rest in.
To those of you who have relentlessly prayed for me, given chunks of your money away, sacrificed your time and energy, I am eternally grateful. I could say thank you everyday for the rest of my life and it would never be enough.
Please continue to keep our situation in your prayers. I travel on March 24 & 25, court is the 28th, and then there are a slew of other steps along with in country travel in the weeks after that. I do not have a return date yet, but please pray for everything to go rather quickly as I have HGI things to attend to in the US at the beginning of May. I've also been keenly aware of the darkness being pushed back and the enemy who hates all of this. There is a spiritual battle raging and I need covering for that just as much. If you think to lift up our future, we are coming home to a lot of uncertainty and we covet your prayers for this as well.
Thank you for following our journey!
"For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?"
